post christmas rush?

I just got back from my vacation in my hometown. I had a wonderful time, really wonderful time with my family, nothing fancy, but such a happy memory to remember. Enough for such drama..

Anyways, the only reason I was eager to come back before the 30th is that I need to check on my bank accounts and settle some bills. Welcome to the adults' world. After the holidays, reality check. When I got off the cab, the guards and some men greeted me with their faces smiling, and me- with a quick smile thinking- "are they just being nice or they just need to be friendlier because they think I'm Ms. Scrooge because I haven't given anything to the guards and some janitors in our building?" Then, when I opened our door. Tadah! No one greeted me to say "welcome home" but the bills, bills, and bills and more bills, and a pigsty! Just realized that I was such in a hurry before leaving for our hometown that I forgot some garbage and my room was in an organized chaos.

I should be sleeping now so I could wake up early to start my day much earlier, but I missed this Internet. So many things to do before the 31st! Time management I need you.

emo mode

"People don't realize this, but loneliness is underrated.."

- Tom, 500 Days of Summer

Loneliness is underrated (I think most of us have realized this)...and I say as well as the pain of  missing someone...

Have you ever felt like everything seems to be nonsense because the person you are supposed to enjoy wonderful moments with is in the other side of the world with a 16-hour difference?

As I always say, I looove Christmas. I just can't help but feel so emotional these days. As much as I want to enjoy it and have fun, but there are things that are best enjoyed when shared with the person you chose to spend the rest of your life with. That being said, just realized that the way I celebrate Christmas hasn't changed, only this time I have to wait for another Christmas to have someone to kiss me under the mistletoe, open Christmas presents with, or set up our Christmas tree with. Yikes! cheessy..

Hay, If only.......

So emo.. Blame it on the chilly wind, blame it on the Christmas-ish weather, or blame it on the alchohol...

:)

random random

Almost done with Christmas shopping! I just spent I think more or less 9 hours for shopping for gifts, roughly 3 hours last Nov, 3 hours last Monday night and more or less 3 hours yesterday. I've shopped for my gifts for everyone in the family and for the children of my 2 friends. How could I possibly shop for my parents, 9 siblings, 4 brothers in law, 4 sisters in law, 3 nieces, 10 nephews, 1 tita, 1 tito, 2 female cousins for such a short time. I wish I still had time to buy gifts for some friends and in-laws before Christmas. I'm running out of time, I'm already going to my hometown later. I'm also running out of cash. I have maxed out my credit card and I have spent God-knows a lot of money. I'm officially broke! hehehe

With all these shopping trips, I'm beginning to hate going to Megamall. It's too crowded. Yep, there are a lot of good stores there, but it's just awful. I think if I always go there, I'll be able to master the art of controlling my urinary organs. The comfort rooms are so messy, and you have to wait for like forever only to find out that the person you've been waiting to come out was crapping.

 Good thing I love shopping and it does not take me a long time to buy something. Whenever I wanna buy something for myself, I just go straight to the shop I frequently visit. I don't waste time trying on clothes I cannot see myself wearing. As Sandra Bullock said in the movie, The Blind Side: "wear something that you can really see yourself wearing..." It's not verbatim, I hope I remembered it right hehe, but something like that.

Well I hope I'm making sense here with my random thoughts. I'm not just doing anything here in the office. It's our last day before the Christmas break and my first student is absent. After this day, we'll come back on Jan.11, '10. My much awaited 3-week vacation! I hope I'll have fun. I'm planning to travel alone, I just wish my husband would allow me. Well, if my husband doesn't allow me (most likely), I will just be busy again with my movie marathon, cooking, decorating our house, and reading. I need to experience this life of a bum again, because after this I'll be swamped again with my crazy work schedule, raket, and studies. I'm excited though for next year. I don't really have a definite game plan, but things will be a lot better than last year.  

It's time for my next class. Looking forward to having lunch later, I'm sooo hungry!

oh it's christmas

All I want for Christmas...

Gift giving every Christmas eve has been a family tradition since I was in grade school when my older siblings were already capable of buying us (my parents and the younger ones) gifts. So, in college when I could already save my extra allowance, I also started giving everyone in the family gifts I could afford. The only time I missed this wonderful tradition was during the rebelious stage of my life when I had to go somewhere else while everyone was on a festive mood because of Chrismas holiday, though before leaving the city I made sure that I bought gifts for everyone.

Anyway, every year I also make a shameless Xmas wish list. I even tell my family what to buy for me. Yes, I can afford those things, but it feels better to have something you really want that will be given by a family member.

For this coming Xmas, I wish I would receive the following :p

- a nice pair of shorts. I don't care if it's a cheap one, just want a nice pair that will flatter my short legs

- big scented candles. I need them for my house

- gray or beige cardigan. I saw a nice one from Zara. I swear I can wear anything with it, and I collect knits/cardigans

- a new lip balm from Godiva. It just costs 120. I haven't bought a new one, I'm waiting for my sis to buy one for me.

- a pair of slippers. I'm not refering to Ipanema or Haviannas, I mean a pair of fluffy slippers I could wear inside our room

- a bath robe. I don't have one anymore, poor me.

- a pair of pajamas. Nothing beats hitting the sack with a nice pair of pajamas

Very simple wish list right...for the expensive things I would like to have, I'm gonna save up for them. It would be better though, if I expected an instant tourist visa for the States with a roundtrip ticket.

All selfish and materialistics points aside, all I really want for Christmas is to be with my husband. I would not care if I did not receive any gifts. I just wanna be with him. I love Christmas. I love everything about Christmas, the drama, the festive mood, Xmas carols, the Xmas rush, the cold weather, shopping!!! I would love all these even more if I were with him. Goodnessgracious, this cold weather makes me more emotional.

Anyway, since this is my first Christmas in our new home, I decided to put some decorations so our home would be more Chrismas-ish.

here is my Christmas tree..

and some add ons

stairs with li'l Santa with a li'l brown bear

and my annual photo with a fake tree :)

with my big arm

Merry Christmas everyone!

favorite best friends

In different TV shows especially teenage drama, there are always two bestfriends who are usually the focus of the story. I think the reason that kind of TV drama is patronized by a lot of people regardless of the age, culture, or belief is that most of us can relate to their drama :p

I just want to share my three favorite BFFs on TV  :)

so highschool :)

blair waldorf and serena van der woodsen xoxo

brooke davis and peyton sawyer

summer roberts and marissa cooper

See the similarities?


xoxo

on pol

I love watching TV commercials or looking at some ad campaigns. It's amazing how advertising companies turn unreliable products so appealing to the public. It's amazing as well how PR agencies make different politicians appear big or competent enough for different public posts. These days though a lot of interesting advertisements even on radio have been almost replaced by different political ads. We have seen (or heard of) different politicians' desperate attempts to be noticed. Some are well directed, while some are just painfully funny or annoying.

The most interesting of course is Noynoy's ad. It looks like a station ID of both Kapamilya and Kapuso Network. Who does not like to be endorsed by famous celebrities in the country anyway? Of course here in the Philippines, if you want to run for a public post, you should be endorsed by famous celebrities. I just wonder why he was not told to say something. Is it because of his poor speech or smoker's cough?

I'm not in the best position or trying to be intellectual to criticize someone like Noynoy and the rest of the Presidentiables. It would be best for voters to know every Presidentiable very well and not to be influenced by their political ads or their rankings in different surveys. Coming from an influential family does not mean you already have what it takes to become the next president. If you have a lot of money, you can still make a difference or help the marginalized sector. Those who want to run for the public posts should think a million times first (aside from consulting the Pink Sisters or their departed loved ones or their fans) if they are really capable or deserving to be elected for the highest and most important position in the country. As Filipinos, we should have learned our lesson already when we elected those crook-power hungry public officials. We do not want another People Power, do we?

The question is, who will win/ who should win? That's anybody's guess.

For the meantime, let's enjoy watching their political advertisements while they are fooling the rest of the voting population.

It's already past 4, I'm still wide awake with Wave's Feel Good Friday Music as my background music. Eversince, I quit my day job, I have become nocturnal again. I hate this. I miss waking up in the morning having freshy brewed coffee or tea while checking the news online even on weekends. Sleeping in the morning and waking up at 2:00pm does not work for me anymore. I feel so heavy. I feel like days just pass and I do not do anything significant...sigh..

I hate being the only person awake and not doing anything sensible. I just wish I was busy doing school stuff or reading anything interesting. Darn. The reason I quit my day job was to focus on school work for my practicum and for the next program I am supposed to take, but again, I procrastinated. The deadline for the submission of my application requirements was last Nov. 5 and I went to the Admission Office five days late. I have to wait for three months, it is going to take a while. The thing is I do not want to work full-time anymore. Anyway, that's another story.

To kill time, and I hope doing this will lull me to sleep..
I'm gonna make a list again of the things I wanna do to satisfy my need to do something...err not fun...something that I wish I could do...

- go somewere/ travel alone... maybe up north or down south..(though this sounds impossible)
- travel to a foreign country (with hubby, friend, or my sister)
- shop for my sisters, and hopefully make them wear the shoes and clothes i'd buy for them
- attend a mob
- talk to someone who does not want Noynoy Aquino to win the presidential race
- convince my father not to drink and smoke anymore...
- wear boots :)
- attend kickboxing classes again..
- wear high-heeled gladiator sandals..

and.. I wish I could write here all the things I wish I could..if I continued, the list would just go on and on..

wanna sleep...

My mind has been so busy trying to process a lot of things that have happened to me recently. Everything happened really fast. I've been avoiding not to feel sad or feel bad about a lot of things because I know myself when it comes to dealing with my emotions. When sadness hits me, it is like a low pressure area developing into a super typhoon- which is called my state of depression. I cannot define how I really feel. For the past months I've been avoiding entertaining negative thoughts and reflecting on how have things have turned out. I think it's really time for me to confront my unresolved issues.

When my husband came here for a short vacation (the economic recession was a blessing in disguise), we were able to spend time together and resolved some past issues. My in-laws have been so excited for their first grandchild. Yes, I got pregnant. It was unplanned and we were not ready yet, but my husband and I were both so excited. I discovered that I was pregnant after my husband left again for the States. I took care of myself well. I was so health conscious. I did not have any problems with weird cravings or vaginal spotting. I just made sure that I always had fresh fruits, fresh apple shake, vegetables, fish, and chicken. I avoided unhealthy food, took vitamins, and didn't miss any medical checkups with my OB. I tried really hard to have a healthy pregnancy. Everything I did was for my baby. Two months past, I experienced stomach cramps and spotting. My sisters hurried to go to my place and rushed me to The Medical City. What I thought was just a simple checkup turned out to be a nightmare. I spent the night there, but only to find out the next morning that I needed to undergo Ditalation and Curettage because there was no heartbeat detected. What made it worse was when one of the Doctors told me that they saw two gestational sacs, so I was capable of carrying twins. It was one of the worst mornings ever. I was not going to lose one child, but two children.

The physical pain that I had to go through was barely unbearable. For two days and one night I was in pain when they were waiting for my cervix to open. When I saw blood and a mass of blood cloth and placenta similar to the size of a bottle, I didn't know what to say. My family and my in laws were there so I avoided their eyes, because I knew that I was about to break down. I tried to be brave, but I am not.

Until now, I haven't moved on. A lot of things have happened for the past months, but I don't consume myself thinking of those people who have been trying to put me down because I'm still grieving. Whenever the red flag is up, I feel really bad.

I don't know if there is anyone who can relate to what I am going through.

Let me share what my three year old niece told me:

Chloe: Tita Winay where are your babies?
Me: (don't know what to say) I don't know Chloe
Chloe: I know...they are in heaven with Papa Jesus...

Isn't she the sweetest? She has asked me that question twice. Maybe she is right, they are now our angels guiding us and making sure that their parents will be okay. It's nearly December, and I was supposed to give birth on that month. They are supposedly our precious Christmas presents. I hope I won't get sadder when this month comes.

I can't believe it's already October. My birthday month is so over. As always, September is a busy month for me. Every year I always make sure that I enjoy my birthday month. I always have different celebrattions. Since I have different sets of friends, I make sure that I get to celebrate with them. Birthday is such a big deal for me. I feel like everything will go right if I celebrate it with a blast. My husband may not always be with me on my birthdays, but I still have reasons to celebrate. I have family who's always been so nice to me, and of course my friends.

For this year, I I had three celebrations. Three days before my birthday, my friends (the Angels) and I had a simple celebration since the three of us were September babies. We celebrated it at home. It was exactly the same celebration that I was hoping to have. It was very relaxed. It was a night full of girl talk, food, and wine. We were planning to dress up to add more drama but got lazy to do so. Food + champagne + wine + scented oil + candles + music + spa party + sumptuous breakfast = great party. It's great to be with friends and do things that we are all good at: eating and bumming around. Hoping to have more birthday parties with them.

September 8, Tuesday. On this day, I didn't tell anyone in the office that it was my birthday since the people who are really close to me have left that office already. Some of my coworkers were asking me why I was wearing a floral dress on a rainy day and I looked like I was attending a party. I was actually reluctant to wear that dress, but I really wanted to wear something girl-ish. I matched my floral dress in pink and black that I bought from Warehouse last July with my pink Promod cardigan. After office I hurried to go to my favorite church. Then went to Jade Palace. It was just a simple dinner with my family, inlaws, and some of my selected friends that I wanted to be with. All of the people I expected came despite the heavy downpour. Thank goodness. I felt so special.

I belong..my pink cardi and the table cloth! :0

My third celebration. The week after my birthday my HS friends came to my house. Again, it was just a simple gathering. It was our instant reunion. The last time we actually had something like that was like three years ago. I was so surprised that they are not heavy drinkers now. Gone are those days when we were drinking until sunrise so long as we still had money to buy booze. I missed them. We had so much to catch up on. I really look forward to having more time with them.

realizations....

I have a lot of time here at my part-time job to go through the PDI's website. I was able to go back to the old news related to politics, especially Philippine politics. Of course when we say "Philippine politics" it involves a lot of controversies, I mean crazy controversies, especially that PGMA along with her family, friends, political allies have done a lot of things that did not help improve our economy, political system. I mean everything seems like in total chaos. The 2010 election is happening very soon. Everyone is talking about "reform." How could you talk about "reform" if you also have selfish interest?

For the past years, I've been trying to be apathetic. I've been avoiding political issues. I have focused on a more realistic idea, one that is more immediate and that works for me. I've been selfish. I got tired of politics. I used to be an activist way back in college. I was on a high that time that no one could stop me from going to rallies, participating in different group discussions, and engaging into debates with my family who always opposed my ideas. Now, I realize how shallow I have become after deciding to leave the movement. I have focused much on materialistic things. I miss the days when life was a lot simpler for me. I miss real people. People who don't have pretentions. I miss hearing their profound ideas, and how they analyze things. I hate being around with people who pretend to engage in an intelligent conversation, but cannot even come up with logical ideas.

I want to do something meaningful. As I have said before I'm done being around with people who live frivolous lives.

don't know how, where, when to start....

yay!

Yay! super happy! very early birthday gift!
My Sony Vaio is here! I'm super excited to use it..I'm still trying to figure out though how to make Vista more userfriendly for me..For a non-techie person like me, XP is still the best :)

Poor Neo.. I still love you..but too bad you're battery sucks :) You're still my first love..don't worry..I'm still using you because Sony doesn't have MS office yet...but maybe next week, you'll be on my sister's lap..you'll be taken care of really well..

and to Mac...I know someday we'll be together..you're too expensive kse

To my Sony...you and I have a lot of work to do!


thanks hubby for this early bday gift! :)

in love mode

I've been listening to this particular song for many weeks. I'm in love with this song,, and I'm sooo in love with my hubby :)

For some maybe it's cheesy, but this song means so much to me.

"Cause if your love was all I had in this life...That would be enough...

Until the end of time.."

It's so true, no matter how far we are from each other, at the end of the day i sill look forward to going home because everything at home just reminds me everything about him. When the world just seems so unkind and everything doesn't turn out right, he's the one I just wanna be with..He has this amazing way to make me feel better, and he's my number one kakampi. Eventhough he knows I'm wrong, he'll still act as if I'm right so I won't be upset. I've really found the ONE.

What an awesome collaboration of JT and Beyonce...

hear my heart singing..yeah yeah yeah

moving on

NOT knowing the exact reason why people just did something "unacceptable" to you is just the worst feeling in the world. When I say "unacceptable" it means something that can hurt you or can make you feel just fuuuuming mad. The way peeople look at things varies. It depends on a person's acceptance. The last thing I discovered though was the last straw. I don't know if things will be fixed again. I can forgive but I'm a purist. If you've done something to me, I can forgive you, but I don't think things will ever be the same again. I'm now moving on.

It's just so sad that people can just abandon you after all the things you've done. I know it's sad, and I can do it too. I know a lot of things are going to change. I need to prepare for that. There's more for me. I just need to accept the fact that only a few can be trusted these days and only a few will stay.

Moving on..

I'm not mad anymore. Maybe it's high time that I should realize the true colors of those people I chose to be with. Are there reasons to be sad? I don't wanna be sad because of that. It's a relief maybe that I know now the kind of people who are worth the genuine friendship I can offer.

Maybe it's really time to meet more people, and it's time to be much wiser.

hay...wish i could..

Earlier, while rummaging though my piles of paper to find something I need as my reference for my training proposal, I found something that made me stop what I'm doing. It was a letter to myself I wrote on my 25th birthday. I don't even remember I wrote that one! It was written at the back of the print out of my former student's email I. It was full of positive thoughts. I have written there the three things I was very happy to achieve before my 25th birthday. It really struck me, I don't even know now what to write to myself on my next birthday. I only have one month to have something I will be proud of before turning 26. Is this the sign I've been waiting?

Before starting to work again, I went to Greenbelt chapel. I did not really intend to ask God something for myself. I just wanted to be with Him. Suddenly, while talking to Him, I asked God if I made the right choice. If not, he should give me a sign. Tadahh! Monday, two days after I went to Greenbelt chapel, a former colleague IM-ed me. It was a job offer. I did not even have to take a test or go through a series of interviews. It was a job offer I could not resist. There is one problem though, its office is in QC, and I live in Cainta. And, I don't know how to tell my superiors that I'm gonna leave again. I have worked for barely two weeks only after my very long vacation.

It's hard to decide. Should I wait for another sign? Should I allow myself to miss this oppurtunity? Should I accept this so that I could have something to be proud of before my next birthday?

Decision making couldn't get any harder.

"Sometimes you get no second chance and that it's best to accept the gifts the world offers you."

watching boysiimen

BoysIIMen in Manila
July 21, 2009
Araneta Coliseum

I know they always come here, but I really wanted to see them perform live. I'm a huge fan of their songs, they can really make you say...aawwww...
I thought I was going to have a blast. I was a little disappointed. It was very short, good thing they sang my favorite "Water Runs Dry."
Listening to my other favorite, "I miss you" could have made a difference though.

Of course, there are pics..Filipinos are certified camwhores.. Flashing lights were everywhere..

finale

I was with Daisy and Merk (again). As if i have a choice hehehe. labyu guys!

It was one helluva week!

I started working again for the same compnany last Monday. I thought they would allocate less than a hundred essays for me to proofread. It was 134! When I was still on vacation, each tutor only received less than a hundred essays. Bad timing for me tsk tsk tsk

It was one helluva week that I needed a strong alcohol. I'm not much of a drinker now, so tequila or some mixed cocktails are the only alcoholic drinks I can take now. I needed to be intoxicated! So, last Friday, tadah! wish come true. I told my friend, one shot of tequila or just 1 glass of margarita is enough. it turned out that 1 isn't enought.. 4 glasses of margarita, just enough to lull me into sleep...

Unplanned night out again with my 2 kaladkaring bessies..literal na spontanyong pagkilos hahaha

I dunno what's in store for me next week. I need to be more than ready I guess.

THIS IS SOOO MEEEE TODAY!

Prang sasabog na utak ko sa pagpoproofread!

I'm so gonna look like my mother when I become 70 years old hehehe

Happy Birthday Nay!

I love you soo soo much! I wish I could spend more time with you.

More birthdays to come. We'll all wait for your golden wedding anniversary.

I'm so excited to work again. Yey! I miss deadlines and the adrenaline rush when I'm busy. I'm going back to my previous job, since I haven't really filed my resignation formally. I just decided to accept the offer again mainly because of their super flexible schedule. I miss editing academic essays! Wla lang, I'm just so giddy these days. :)

And speaking of being giddy. here are some things that made/make me like li'l miss sunshine

My mother's 70th birthday!

Can't believe my mother is already 70 years old! She doesn't look her age and she is very strong. She can still travel alone, go to the market alone, can do the laundry, can still sew clothes just exactly the way she did when she was still young, and can do a lot of other things! June 30 was my Inay's birthday, so the whole family spent the weekend in our hometown to have a small celebration. My friends Cess, Merk, and Daisy also joined us. What they did? They just ate, snoozed, ate, snoozed. Patabaing baboy in short. We just enjoyed our Videoke session and had a few rounds of drinks. Red wine for me.

my mother doesn't look like she's already 70 years old

Mango Iced Tea!

I super love it! It's my newest addiction. The mango iced tea from Philippine Travel Cafe at Greenbelt 5. When I'm in Ayala area in Makati, I make sure that I visit a friend who works in a travel agency which is located inside that cafe. I don't care if she's busy. It's just a great place to relax. Free wifi, nice ambiance, super yummy mango iced tea, it's just perfect after a busy day in the office or after a tiring shopping spree :)

uber tall glass

End of Season SALE!

I love it when it's the end of the season. Every retail store is having a very big sale. The thifty shopaholic in me emerges when stores are on sale. Imagine buying jeans, basic tops, ever reliable cardigans, flirty dresses from Zara, TopShop, Mango, and Warehouse for half the price. You can also buy a nice shirt for your man from TopMan. You'll end up buying all those basic essentials once you enter their stores. Such a treat! Just make sure that the items you buy are something that you will really wear.

Boys II Men Concert!

July 21 is the date! I've been waiting for this. I wasn't able to attend their concert the last time they were here, so I took this chance. I'm afraid I might not see them again. They're getting old and they might be another MJ hehee :) I'm so excited to see them and watch them perform LIVE. I'm getting ready to sing with them!

sooo sooo excited!

Celeteque Facial Wash and Facial Scub (vanity at its finest!)

I used to be a Pond's girl. It is a great product. It's cheap and it really works. However, I think there is such a thing as saturation point when it comes to skin care products. I don't know if I got the right word for that. My skin doesn't respond to Pond's care anymore hehe. I've been looking for some organic products, since I've started using mineral make up but I couldn't find one. I cannot find some organic products in Watson's and SM supermarket and I'm so tamad to go to Rustan's. I just decided to try Celeteque. I just love the result. When I wash my face at night, I don't need to apply moisturizer because my skin just feels oh so soft even in the morning. Its facial scrub is also very gentle but can really expoliate dry skin. I know I'm sooo vain, can't help it I'm turning 26 in September. Getting ready for some anti-aging cream hehehe

can't help but blog :)

I should be busy pla for my recertification training. Tomorrow is the middle of the week. Such a busy month!

My internet connection is back after more than a week of no Internet connection. I don't know how long it will last or how soon it will be disconnected again or how many times Globe Broadband will have system restoration for this week.

I'm so tired of calling Globe's hotline, waiting for like forever to talk to the CSRs, dealing with some incompetent CSRs, and listening to the same excuse they say everytime I complain about having no connection. Yep, everyday as in every single day of my life that I need to go online, I have to call that freakin' hotline just to check my e-mails or see what's hot on the world wide web.

I should've waited for PLDT to install my phone and DSL. Subscribing to Globe Broadband is a huge mistake! I opted to subsribe to 2mb plan for a fast connection so that I could work at home, but I haven't had a decent connection since May 14 - the exact date this crappy broadband was installed. I lost a lot of money I should've earned from a job that was offered by a friend. I can't accept the job anymore because my Internet connection is so unpredictable. What they say about the problem is just the same thing. If it's just the same thing, why can't they fix it? Why is it happening everyday? Why can't you tell what the real problem is?

Globe Broadband is offering nothing but a third world broadband connection and a third world customer service. Puhhleaassee FIX YOUR SYSTEM!

woohh...that was mean I know, I just need to vent out.

It's our first wedding anniversary!

This should be a happy day as happy as this couple on our wedding cake.

I wonder what couples do to celebrate their very first wedding anniversary. Do they go on a very special date? Do they surprise each other? or Is it just an ordinary day for them to argue and fight over things?

I've been waiting for this for a long time and been wondering how I'd feel on this very important occasion. I know we will still have more wedding anniversaries, but this is our "first." Beeing a sentimental fool, every "first" is always very significant. Hay, too much for this drama.

Just wait for more years of being together in a happy, peaceful, and loving relationship,

On a Friday night....

emo mode

listening to mushy songs while spending tme with your laptop,

Facebooking, looking for Gossip blogs, watching non-sense video clips on YouTube and some juicy scandal :P

Being so alone, asked hubby to go online and talked about how her life sucks without him

Invited single friends to come over, misery loves company..
Looking like a bunch of losers, instead of partying all night

here you are very happy to share your wifi with your single friends who should be fishing outside

A souvenir of a lousy Friday night

all smile for the cam
:)

Looking forward to more productive days. Can't stand being a bum.

Such a tiring day. I was supposed to go to the bank today to fix some papers and go to Makati to submit my resignation paper to my previous employer since I am still on my indefinite leave and go to the other company I used to work for to visit some colleagues there and surrender my key card, but as usual I woke at lunch time again. So, I just stayed home again and did some chores.

Cleaning the entire unit was not easy as it seemed. I'm happy with the result though. It smells good and looks really clean :)

***I just realized that a warm bath really helps to soothe tired muscles. After a very tiring day, ahot shower is such a treat. Now, I want to have a hot tub here at home. Sna kasya sa bathroom hehehe.

***Taking quizzes on Facebook has become my latest addiction. I am now laughing out loud alone because of the Kalye name we got. I think the one who made this quiz knows us hehehe

mine: wlang boobs (obvious)

my husband: libagin (he's dark hehe)

Merk: amoy tae (spreading his shit hehehe)

Cess: tekla (it just suits her for some reason)

Daisy: ms stretchmark (meron nga hehehe)

It's a good thing I can still hear myself laughing even though I'm alone here at home. Love it!

Dahil wla akong importanteng lakad today, nagpakabusybusyhan ako. I've been planning to organize our closet, but I'm still avoiding doing strenous activity so it took me a long while to do this. I have cleaned my closet before we moved here in our new home, but I realized that I still have some pieces I don't wear or haven't worn for years but i still keep them. It's so hard to decide whether I should keep them or not. Being a sentimental fool, I ended up keeping them because of some memories those pieces have. Bkit ba kse hirap ilet go ang magagandang alaala ng simula ng pkikiparelasyon sa asawa hehehe. I bet, after two days my closet will be such a big mess again. Meron na yata akong clutter disorder. Sbi nga ng brother ko, what I need is a walk-in closet. But, i'm improving. I'm cooking again! I cook for my lunch and dinner na. I just wish I could share my experimental dish with my hubby.

Today. for lunch, i cooked my fave beef dish, No wonder, i have some discomfort again because of my arthritis. "Hay beef i love you but you're hurting me hehehe." Thanks to Ponstan. "But Ponstan, please don't let my intestine suffer when I get old, I will miss something that I do best. " For dinner, I cooked my fave stir fry mixed veggies with shrimp. It was heavenly, I swear. I ate it with my favorite kikay pink fish- besugo.

Trial and error lng tlga mga cooking techniques, but I'd still love to have formal cooking classes especially Thai and Spanish dishes. I want to be the best cook, so that my husband will no longer ask his mom to cook his favorite food. Can't wait for my next grocery shopping. I'm gonna look for more herbs and spices to add flavors and colors sa makulay kong buhay may asawa, I mean sa mga nakaline up kong experimental dishes.

Cooking gadgets are also very important. I enjoy cooking when I have uber nice utensils and kitchen equipment. I love my La Germania and my very reliable non-sticky pan, can't wait for my set of Pyrex. Quickfire's Rose Dominguez's cooking gadgets are the coolest. From garlic slicer to every equipment and every utensil is just awesome. Can't wait to ask my husband to purchase those gadgets. I bet he'll love them. he wants to be a chef and he cooks steak to die for. :)

Cooking keeps me busy these days, though sobrng kalat pa din ng bahay. Since I'm still recovering from my d and c, and it's been a month pa lang, i'm doing one household chore a day.

Things to do:

arrange our shoes, throw some boxes
change curtains and sheets
sweep and mop the floor
clean our bathroom (get rid of nasty stains eeww)
get rid of unnecessary receipts and docs (arrghhh tiresome)

I'm so domesticated and I'm enjoying it. Wish me luck.

I've been avoiding blogging for weeks now..Facebook addiction has replaced blogging to kill time and it's really interactive and a lof of my close friends are on Facebook :) I missed blogging though.



As I was reading my last post here, I could see the same angry person with a lot of drama going on. Am I still the same person? I guess yeah but a much better version of that person.



Last month I was bursting with joy when I blogged about my pregnancy. I was so excited of telling the world that I would become a "mother" soon. I even received a lot of messages on Mother's day. After the unfortunate event, all of the excitement and expectations were replaced by depression. It's been a month and I'm strill trying to find happiness I felt when I was still expecting. It could never be found again, but there are still a lot of reasons to put things back into normal again.



I promised myself that I would not put too much drama in my life as much as I used to. So, now I'm trying to be the person that I really want to be. I like myself better when I'm so bubbly, and positive. Enough for romanticizing everything, it just creates too much unnecessary drama. I wish I could live this way.



I'm just so excited to see the future.

finding solace in solitude

For those people who know me very well, I know they understand what I'm going through these days. With the things that happened and the things I have done, hearing bad news or people treating me badly is more than I can handle.

I just don't know what I want these days. I want to be with myself. So please, people who keep on ranting about those people I barely care about, stop telling me stories. I don't want to hear your stories. I have a lot of my own. I have my own family to think about, I have friends I wanna be with. And when I'm ready or when I feel like it, I want to be with my people. I want to be with my family and friends, people I wanna have a true conversation with and people who can understand me the most.

I'm tired of wearing a brave face or a fake smile.

That's all I need.

good news

One of the things that I am afraid of is giving birth. I know that it's something that most women have to go through, but the thought of it scares the hell out of me. I am actually afraid of getting pregnant and wishing that I would not get pregnant anytime soon.

For the past weeks I've been feeling strange. I've been feeling extremely tired, I could hardly tolerate my headaches and cramps in my stomach. I was confident that it was just stress or maybe anxiety attack. Due to missed period and some signs of pregnancy, I decided to see an obgyne. Since my husband has left for the States already last Saturday, my bestfriend was kind enough to use her one hour break to accompany me to Makati Medical Center. She kept on telling me that I am pregnant because I look so ugly and stressed. What a logical explanation huh? My obgyne advised me to have my ultrasound instead of pregnancy test. I waited for 2 hours for my name to be called. I was so nervous when I already lay down on the bed. After a few minutes I heard the Doctor saying that what she was seeing is equivalent to 4 weeks. I was clueless, then I asked her if it's positive or not. I was teary eyed when she said "yes, you're definitely pregnant." I thought that I would not be as happy as that. I texted all my friends my good news. Then, I told my husband that he needs to go home on December to see his little angel. Of course he is so happy and excited. I know his parents are so excited too, especially that our baby will be their first "apo." My sister in law was so happy when she heard the good news. My friends are very excited too. My dilemma now is to choose who are going to be my baby's ninongs and ninangs. For sure, the list will be really long.

I'm still scared of this whole thing, but I need to be strong and brave. I need to overcome my fear and let go of the negative thoughts for a healthy pregnancy. My husband may not be here, but I know that he will do his best to support me and provide me with the love and care I need especially during this time, and I know that God is always with me.

"You'll never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."

gibberish..random..

It is difficult to put into words every emotion we have, especially if it is so extreme that only us could understand the profundity of how we feel. I can't help but blame myself sometimes for being too emotional. This kind of character never fails me to put myself into trouble.
Too much anger hasn't failed me to hurt other people or to do things that are unacceptable for other people. I've been through a lot. I need to put myself back together to start a new life, one that is positive.
Too much sadness causes me to entertain a lot of negative thoughts, fear, anxiety and insecurity. I'm a kind of person who doesn't know how to hide her emotions. When I'm sad, I let the other people know, the bad thing about it though is that I feel worse when I know that other people are happy. How selfish is that?
I don't think I make sense here. It's like I'm talking gibberish again. That's the effect of being so alone at home.

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I haven't updated this blog for ages. I just didn't feel like putting into words things that have happened and all those feelings. A lot of things had happened already. Of course the highlight would be my husband's vacation. After 8 months of being apart, thanks to recession hehehe he came home sooner than expected. 4 weeks of being together is very short. We were so busy with our new home, buying furniture, fixing things, and all those errands so time really flew fast. Good thing we were able to go to Bora and had some quality time together. I can't wait for his next vacation. I'm also waiting for some good news.
Now, I cannot express how much sadness I feel right now, of course I miss being around with my husband. I miss his cooking:) I miss his jokes. I miss how he makes me smile and laugh. I miss how he fools around. I haven't changed our sheets, our pillowcase, and our blanket. His scent is still there and smelling that masculine scent makes me feel like he's just there hugging me and watching me while I asleep. So, for sleepovers I won't allow you to use our pillows hehehe

To my husband,
We've been through a lot, but we can still prove to ourselves how much we love each other and how far we can go to make our marriage life better. I still believe in promises. I love you so much....

NAIA