good news

One of the things that I am afraid of is giving birth. I know that it's something that most women have to go through, but the thought of it scares the hell out of me. I am actually afraid of getting pregnant and wishing that I would not get pregnant anytime soon.

For the past weeks I've been feeling strange. I've been feeling extremely tired, I could hardly tolerate my headaches and cramps in my stomach. I was confident that it was just stress or maybe anxiety attack. Due to missed period and some signs of pregnancy, I decided to see an obgyne. Since my husband has left for the States already last Saturday, my bestfriend was kind enough to use her one hour break to accompany me to Makati Medical Center. She kept on telling me that I am pregnant because I look so ugly and stressed. What a logical explanation huh? My obgyne advised me to have my ultrasound instead of pregnancy test. I waited for 2 hours for my name to be called. I was so nervous when I already lay down on the bed. After a few minutes I heard the Doctor saying that what she was seeing is equivalent to 4 weeks. I was clueless, then I asked her if it's positive or not. I was teary eyed when she said "yes, you're definitely pregnant." I thought that I would not be as happy as that. I texted all my friends my good news. Then, I told my husband that he needs to go home on December to see his little angel. Of course he is so happy and excited. I know his parents are so excited too, especially that our baby will be their first "apo." My sister in law was so happy when she heard the good news. My friends are very excited too. My dilemma now is to choose who are going to be my baby's ninongs and ninangs. For sure, the list will be really long.

I'm still scared of this whole thing, but I need to be strong and brave. I need to overcome my fear and let go of the negative thoughts for a healthy pregnancy. My husband may not be here, but I know that he will do his best to support me and provide me with the love and care I need especially during this time, and I know that God is always with me.

"You'll never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."

gibberish..random..

It is difficult to put into words every emotion we have, especially if it is so extreme that only us could understand the profundity of how we feel. I can't help but blame myself sometimes for being too emotional. This kind of character never fails me to put myself into trouble.
Too much anger hasn't failed me to hurt other people or to do things that are unacceptable for other people. I've been through a lot. I need to put myself back together to start a new life, one that is positive.
Too much sadness causes me to entertain a lot of negative thoughts, fear, anxiety and insecurity. I'm a kind of person who doesn't know how to hide her emotions. When I'm sad, I let the other people know, the bad thing about it though is that I feel worse when I know that other people are happy. How selfish is that?
I don't think I make sense here. It's like I'm talking gibberish again. That's the effect of being so alone at home.

********

I haven't updated this blog for ages. I just didn't feel like putting into words things that have happened and all those feelings. A lot of things had happened already. Of course the highlight would be my husband's vacation. After 8 months of being apart, thanks to recession hehehe he came home sooner than expected. 4 weeks of being together is very short. We were so busy with our new home, buying furniture, fixing things, and all those errands so time really flew fast. Good thing we were able to go to Bora and had some quality time together. I can't wait for his next vacation. I'm also waiting for some good news.
Now, I cannot express how much sadness I feel right now, of course I miss being around with my husband. I miss his cooking:) I miss his jokes. I miss how he makes me smile and laugh. I miss how he fools around. I haven't changed our sheets, our pillowcase, and our blanket. His scent is still there and smelling that masculine scent makes me feel like he's just there hugging me and watching me while I asleep. So, for sleepovers I won't allow you to use our pillows hehehe

To my husband,
We've been through a lot, but we can still prove to ourselves how much we love each other and how far we can go to make our marriage life better. I still believe in promises. I love you so much....

NAIA