harsh harsh

It's nearly Christmas. Gosh, time really flies. After Christmas, time to prepare for the new year. The new year is coming. I'm still stuck in this lonely place I created myself. Sure, there are lot a lof things to be thankful for and an endless list of things to be happy; but there are still so many reasons to feel this way. I haven't been so happy as I used to be for many days.

Feeling so alone is one thing that I've been feeling for the past few days. I feel so alone, though I have my family and friends. After a few good laughs and a sensible conversation with my top friends, loneliness would still hit me. After spending a nice weekend with my family I would still feel so empty. A lot of things are missing. I know how I get so frustrated when things get on the way when I want something. When things I've been expecting don't transpire. It's so frustrating that "things" right now are just so shaky. I'm so tired of all of these things. I'm not supposed to feel this since it's not suppose to happen. Everything should have gone so smooth without issues, had people known their obligations and responsibilities. I'm tired of getting angry. I'm tired of feeling bitter. I'm tired of waiting for nothing. I just want to feel good, if not the happiness I desire. It's hard to be alone when you're supposed to be with someone. Maybe other people can live alone because it's just how they are supposed to live. It's hard for them, but it's even harder when you're not supposed to be alone to feel all the burden. Think how difficult it is to manage everything on your own. Nothing would really understand all these crap I'm saying. This is like a combination of different feelings you wouldn't want to feel.

I know how emotional I am, but I've been avoiding all these issues for quite a while. It's time to face these issues. I'm facing all these alone and I'm pretty sure I'll solve these alone. I don't need to be sorry for the things I've said and done because I don't have to. I have all the rights in the world to feel this way.

I need to put myself back together. I need to be strong for myself.