need to be stoical

I don't have anything but good intentions. I didn't mean to hurt anyone, specially those people I love and care about. There were things I expected to happen but didn't transpire. Things just happened. Things i didn't expect. I didn't want things to turn out this way. It's hard to be misunderstood. What's even more difficult is to be misunderstood by the person you love the most.
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Who wants to compete with anyone. It's hard to accept when you still need to compete with other people for the love and attention of the person you love the most. Somebody's hurting. Should she accept the reality? Should she accept the fact that..for him...his friends and peers are more important than her or their relationship? Should she deal with it? just ignore the fact or give up? Can anyone who is in a relationship right now accept the fact that they are just their partners' second priority?

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This just the beginning of everything...somebody has to believe in miracles here...miracle is the answer..
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somebody has to have stoic attitude here...

:)

My very good friends Merky and Daisy kept their promise to visit me tonight. After office hours, with their office clothes on they dropped by and stayed until past midnight. We just had a 14 inch yellow cab pizza for our dinner and pancit canton. i still don't have appetite so i barely finished one slice of pizza. I don't care about the pizza anyway. I just wanted someone to talk to so I could laught out loud again. They didn't stay for a long while because they have to get up early for work. We just had photo ops again hahha..we really are certified camwhores.."cam whoring" can be a little fun and could ease loneliness for a little while hahaha...

6.28.08

dealing with extreme sadness

haven't posted a new entry for a long while. I've been so busy with a lot of things. it's been 2 months. and a lot of things have happenedd already. i was so lazy writing, though there are a lot of things i've wanted to write about..
now..it's time..since there is no one to talk to..a lot of things had happened since the last time i posted something here..I've got married..and during 5 weeks of being with my husband a lot of things happened..good and bad..married life is really something everyone has to be really prepared for..financially, physically, spiritually and i guess the most important for me "emotionally." and just 4 days ago my husband left for the States again..before he left i was terribly sick...i hated it. we were not able to enjoy our last week of being together..when he left i was so afraid of going home. i was sick and so lonely..good thing my in-laws were kind enough to have me in their house so they can look after me while i'm sick..i was planning of staying there for two more days..but reality bites. i need to do a lot of things otherwise i won't be able to pass the courses i took for this term. i decided to go home..my mother in law and my hubby's aunt volunteered to spend the night in our place. thank God, i won't be alone for a little while..

now, i'm alone here in our room..i knew it.. this place will just remind me of all the good times my husband and i have shared..everywhere i look i can see my husband. i can feel his presence. i can still smell his perfume..God..I'm so lonely..this is the pain of missing someone-- reminiscing the past then realize that everything won't happen again for the next few days..i'm gonna be with my husband again----next year..it's killing me..i should get used to it. I should get used to this situation..i don't know..only God knows when we can be together not for 5 weeks or 4 weeks but forever...it's been five nights of sleeping without him..i miss the warmth of his hug, his tender kisses..everything about him..
I'm doing this while my tears keep rolling down on my cheeks.. i don't want to lie down on my bed..after the night of July 25th, this will be my very first time to spend the night in our room without him...
i don't know how to deal with this extreme sadness..

tomorrow will be my last day here in the office...woohooo.

i'm not that busy anymore..so i have so much time to do what i want to do hehehe, though i need to do a lot of things pa rin..

What i enjoy doing lately..i get to blog hop na and read the blog entries of interesting people. I love reading Jim Paredes' blog. It's really interesting. His wonderful life experiences and the profundity of his thoughts reflect on his blog entries which inspire me to write more..though it's a little difficult for me these days to sound serious or write something i used to write about. I'm still a little guarded. I'm not yet comfortable to express how i feel or talk about my opinion about a certain issue. god..how i miss being fearless and fierce (borrowed from Christian of Project Runway 4 hehehe)..

and oh...my day is not complete without reading juicy tidbits while listening to the Morning Rush during my break time. Chico and Delamar are still hilarious. They never fail me to make me laugh out loud..Anyway, juicy tidbits from my favorite bloggers are sooo Gossip Girl..check out chikatime, kitty go and briangorell's blog hehhe..Just like the Gossip Girl, they also receive tips from the insiders of high society..I'm not really gullible but it's great source of entertainment hehehe at the expense of Gucci Gang members' privacy..



it's so gossip girl hehehe...xoxoxo

Happy Monday!
I'm so sleepy and tired today... i actually took a power nap after my classes in ther morning hehehe..
I'm so so so tired because of my busy weekend.
I may be tired today but i had so much fun especially yesterday.. We celebrated my sister's 40th birthday. We had a swimming party in a private resort in Laguna. It was actually like a family reunion. I got to see all of my siblings and all of my newphews and nieces. That day was perfectly good. I didn't go swimming actually but i had a lot of fun. I was very emotional seeing my siblings getting along well, seeing us talking about anything under the sun, reminiscing about the past, listening to my older brothers and sisters classic stories about thier hardships when they were young, and seeing their kids getting along well. It was so amusing to see my nephews and nieces looking after one another. They don't fight, when there are kids bullying one of them they would have each other's back hehehe. Bata pa lang clannish na hehehe. Very filipino tlga. Syang tlga, i cannot post some pics. I don't know what happened to my account. I've been trying to post some photos but I couldn't..hmm...Anyway, my arms are still sore because of my nephews and nieces. I was also baby sitting yesterday. My niece Chloe, she's very adorable. Although she has turned two already last April 30 i couldn't help but carry her. She's so sweet and really cute. She was naglalambing saying: Tita, carry...and then said: Ate Chloe wants to swim..then she also grabbed the mic to sing some nursery rhymes. she had her mini concert. One of her antics was she was imitating Charice when singing like raising her hands, closing her eyes and all..she's really adorable I hope my future daughter will be as cute and smart like she! Then I have two cute baby nephews. They're a little chubby so they're so heavy. They went there with their yayas but i couldn't help but to carry them. I have 9 nephews and 2 nieces na pla..and I'm a proud Tita. I hope they will grow up as responsible as their parents. I would love to see them when they're grown ups getting along very well, no jealousy among them, no fights just love and kindness...just like their parents and tito's and tita's.
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i'm aching to blog about how i feel these days but i couldn't find the perfect word to describe it.. i would end up saying..i'm excited, i'm anxious, i'm happy, i'm sad..mixed emotions that is!
i have a lot of worries too...hay..12 days to go!
i should get myself some sleep and beauty rest..loads of it!

mga pangyayari s buhay hehehe

back from a long weekend. Loved it! I was able to do a lot of things.
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It's been a week since my last post. I was so busy last week preparing for my report and running some errands for my wedding (18 days to go na lng). My computer at home was not working well, good thing I didn't have many classes last week so I was able to prepare my report at work...I have a lot of stories to tell..Tuesday, I went to dlsu to look for books I needed as my references..god..it was so difficult to look for one specific book. I was dead tired already that time because i was also busy at work on that day..It was very frustrating to look for books for over two hours. the perfect thing to do during a time like that?PRAY hehe. then an angel came hahaha...a chinese guy helped me find the exact book i needed..he even promised me to give me some of his readings. We agreed to meet the next day..but i was so tired when wednesday came so i just decided not to meet him and asked my friend Kris who is surprisingly his classmate to get those readings. But something happened. Kris forgot to bring them last Saturday! but it's okay our professor was kind nman to explain some concepts on my behalf heheheh..Though i had a series of misfortunes last Sat i was still able to work it out..My Saturday morning was really a crazy day!

Thursday..i had my final meeting with our caterer for to finalize our menu and some details..it was really tiring..then friday i had to go to our munisipyo again to submit some necessary documents for our marriage license. i was so malas again...this stupid clerk lost the copy of my CENOMAR..good thing the clerk who accpted documents agreed to have special arrangement for that.. some people in gov't offices are such pain in the ass.

then Saturday.. a very stressful day..i was dead tired when i came home.. as soon as i arrived home i had dinner and changeed my clothes then lay down on the sofa in front of the TV..then dozed off hahaha.. my sister just woke me up but I didn't have enough energy to brush my teeth and wash my face..so i just went to our room and sleep again..i even forgot to text some people i was going to meet the following day.

Sunday..I woke up at around 7 then text some people and answered some phone calls..then went back to sleep again..when i got up at around 10:30 there were already a lot of missed calls..my appointment was 12. and i texted my super reliable friends daisy and merky pala to meet me at 11:00. merk always has a funny way to rush me. his text said: wag ng magmaganda.."neng..kinikidnap ang magaganda sa divisoria.." and i really took it seriously hahaha..i had a quick shower grabbed a bite..but then i was still 45 mins late hehehhe..we went to divine as my friends call it..it was really hot..yeah, i had my gown and the rest of the entourage's gown made in divisoria..i was able to save almost 50% of our actual budget for the gown. I was so nervous..actually all of us were nervous what my gown will look like especially my wedding planner who really has this prejudice against divisoria-made-gowns..I wasn't really expecting something good but when they opened the box I was happy. Yeah, i love it! I don't know if some people would love it..but i don't care.. i so love it! It was exactly the wedding gown i was imagining wearing while walking down the aisle. They say that most brides who are happy about their gown must fall in love with the design first. I didn't try it on not because of a superstition but because I want it to be extra special. I want to wear my wedding gown only once. So now, i need to maintain my weight so that it'll fit me perfectly. I tend to lose weight kse agad when i'm stressed. My fear now is it might not fit me well since i have this petite frame. It's a tube gown, it might fall off hahahah.

After we got our gown..merk, daisy and i decided to look for some great finds in Divine. THey looked like they're the ones getting married because they were both carrying the two boxes and i was just carrying a small plastic bag, that's the good thing about having a small frame-people would do things for me hehehhe..i just love them..Imagine walking along the busy and dirty streets of divisoria with a large box? after we got some things we need, we went to City land- Santolan to view the condo unit we are planning to rent.I loved it too! i just hope the person who owns it would choose us since a lot of people have expressed their interest to rent that unit..such a hectic schedule huh? then we went home again to take a quick shower and got changed because next stop? hotels in Ortigas hehehe.We agreed to meet at 5..and i was late again hehehe...whew! i was able to accomplish a lot of thing last Sunday.. after that we went to Megamall for Merk's shopping spree then had dinner...After a long day we ended up again in Starbucks- Metrowalk. They were hoping to see some hot guys but they fondly called that night "patay na gabi" hehehe..What would you expect on a lousy Sunday night? HOt guys going to bars? heheh They weren't able to feast their eyes on some hot hunky guys hhehehe..well for me, i was just enjoying the night with them. We'r cooking something hehe i hope it'll work. i was tickled pink while talking about our plans hehehe..Thanks daisy and merky for the walang humpay na kakiyan, bongang bongang pangookray, for making me laugh out loud, and for such being so helpful for being so so super friends..What's next? Spa next weekend! woohooo..
i should've taken photos...sayang tlaga.

time to work again..good thing i was able to take a rest yesterday.
9 days n lng..it'll be my much awaited 5-weeks vacation na.
saya saya!