Growing older
14 years ago
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
dealing with extreme sadness
haven't posted a new entry for a long while. I've been so busy with a lot of things. it's been 2 months. and a lot of things have happenedd already. i was so lazy writing, though there are a lot of things i've wanted to write about..
now..it's time..since there is no one to talk to..a lot of things had happened since the last time i posted something here..I've got married..and during 5 weeks of being with my husband a lot of things happened..good and bad..married life is really something everyone has to be really prepared for..financially, physically, spiritually and i guess the most important for me "emotionally." and just 4 days ago my husband left for the States again..before he left i was terribly sick...i hated it. we were not able to enjoy our last week of being together..when he left i was so afraid of going home. i was sick and so lonely..good thing my in-laws were kind enough to have me in their house so they can look after me while i'm sick..i was planning of staying there for two more days..but reality bites. i need to do a lot of things otherwise i won't be able to pass the courses i took for this term. i decided to go home..my mother in law and my hubby's aunt volunteered to spend the night in our place. thank God, i won't be alone for a little while..
now, i'm alone here in our room..i knew it.. this place will just remind me of all the good times my husband and i have shared..everywhere i look i can see my husband. i can feel his presence. i can still smell his perfume..God..I'm so lonely..this is the pain of missing someone-- reminiscing the past then realize that everything won't happen again for the next few days..i'm gonna be with my husband again----next year..it's killing me..i should get used to it. I should get used to this situation..i don't know..only God knows when we can be together not for 5 weeks or 4 weeks but forever...it's been five nights of sleeping without him..i miss the warmth of his hug, his tender kisses..everything about him..
I'm doing this while my tears keep rolling down on my cheeks.. i don't want to lie down on my bed..after the night of July 25th, this will be my very first time to spend the night in our room without him...
i don't know how to deal with this extreme sadness..
now..it's time..since there is no one to talk to..a lot of things had happened since the last time i posted something here..I've got married..and during 5 weeks of being with my husband a lot of things happened..good and bad..married life is really something everyone has to be really prepared for..financially, physically, spiritually and i guess the most important for me "emotionally." and just 4 days ago my husband left for the States again..before he left i was terribly sick...i hated it. we were not able to enjoy our last week of being together..when he left i was so afraid of going home. i was sick and so lonely..good thing my in-laws were kind enough to have me in their house so they can look after me while i'm sick..i was planning of staying there for two more days..but reality bites. i need to do a lot of things otherwise i won't be able to pass the courses i took for this term. i decided to go home..my mother in law and my hubby's aunt volunteered to spend the night in our place. thank God, i won't be alone for a little while..
now, i'm alone here in our room..i knew it.. this place will just remind me of all the good times my husband and i have shared..everywhere i look i can see my husband. i can feel his presence. i can still smell his perfume..God..I'm so lonely..this is the pain of missing someone-- reminiscing the past then realize that everything won't happen again for the next few days..i'm gonna be with my husband again----next year..it's killing me..i should get used to it. I should get used to this situation..i don't know..only God knows when we can be together not for 5 weeks or 4 weeks but forever...it's been five nights of sleeping without him..i miss the warmth of his hug, his tender kisses..everything about him..
I'm doing this while my tears keep rolling down on my cheeks.. i don't want to lie down on my bed..after the night of July 25th, this will be my very first time to spend the night in our room without him...
i don't know how to deal with this extreme sadness..
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